Black Children Deserve More From Everyone…

… because the village and communities are failing them.

I started writing this months ago after hearing about Nolan Wells’ disappearance. I came back to finish it after reading Paula White’s essay that criticized Nikole Hannah-Jones’s essay. Black people are faced with so many decisions regarding just existing in this fucked up world. Nothing is made easier when we take all the time in the world to judge each other’s decisions before choosing empathy. The lack of consideration, time, or patience before offering opinions shows that we think other perspectives are irrelevant… if people aren’t doing what we’re doing or seeing things how we see them, it’s cause for dismissal… as if we all have the same thought processes and circumstances.

When we do this, it always reeks of whiteness and white supremacy.

As debilitating as Nolan’s disappearance and now lack of justice has been, I’m obligated to keep paying attention for several reasons. The main one is that he was a BLACK CHILD STILL DESERVING OF JUSTICE. There’s also the constantly looming fact that he was in an environment that hits very close to home.

I’ve read the posts from other Black people about how Black children should NEVER be the only Black person among white people. As much as my African American/Black heart, soul, and mind agree, my daughter (Bug) is often one of few Black children in a lot of settings. This isn’t because I have ever subscribed to the supremacist ideology that “white is right.” It’s a systemic issue that, no matter the city, county, or state in this disunited shithole, I cannot get around.

I learned quite early that my child had a level of intelligence that could only be nurtured through things that were going to be expensive. She thrived in smaller class settings, where teachers had time to cultivate her in ways conducive to her learning style. Public schools didn’t offer that space for Bug because of the overcrowding and lack of teachers. I can recall Bug having 35+ students in her classes for years… and one teacher thuggin through the school year as best they could. ONE TEACHER for 30+ students is going to leave a lot of children behind.

As a single mother, I had some decisions to make. All of them involved money. Bug did extremely well in school when she attended Montessori-driven schools. Cost was what kept me from keeping her where she benefited most. I watched her not give a fuck about school during most of her elementary years because, honestly, the only person who gave a fuck about her education was me. That’s no slight to any of the teachers; I understand what being overworked and underpaid can do to a person. You can only do so much, and I don’t think the sole responsibility of my child’s education rests on teachers and this shitty education system we’re stuck with… so I had some decisions to make.

While I could have definitely moved back to Georgia and paid FAR LESS rent than I was paying in California, if I wanted Bug to attend a school with a rating of 6 or higher, I had to move into a neighborhood I really couldn’t afford. The highest score public schools can get is a 10, BUT those neighborhoods tend to have a median income of $150k+. When I moved back, I was only making $75k; fast-forward 6 years, and I’m STILL not earning the median income for that neighborhood, even after finishing my Bachelor’s degree AND earning a Master's degree.

I was grateful to move into a zip code that had a rating of 10 for its elementary schools. Unfortunately, I quickly learned that rating was for the wealthier part of the zip code. We settled into a part of the neighborhood with a school rating of 6 (which has since dropped to 4.5). I made sure the middle and high schools connected to Bug’s elementary school would also have a score no lower than 6. Her middle school maintained a 6, and her high school is a 7. Sounds good until we also have to sit with the reality that we live in a VERY white neighborhood. Bug went from having 99% Black friends in California to her friend group looking like Joseph’s Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat… or the United Colors of Benetton. Not a bad thing at all… except these children are surrounded by white families who dictate the educational and social needs of ALL the children.

The children Bug has the most in common with, in terms of her interests (personal and educational), don’t look like her. Every now and then she’ll develop a relationship with a Black kid she has something in common with, but they’re never the majority. She’s a minority, and as a parent who knows what can happen when education suffers for someone like her, I knew it wasn’t a risk I could take putting her in a school with extreme overcrowding and not enough teachers. I sit with the fact that I traded one fucked up fact for another in the hopes that we make it out with as few problems as possible.

I want to be clear that I do not have the answers for every Black child. I only have the answers for the Black child that I am raising… and if I’m being honest, those answers change as she changes. Any parent worth their weight in salt should be able to admit that, BUT… not all of us can, nor will we. What I want most for us as Black adults and parents is to get to know our children. If we’re making the best decisions for them, they should be included in the process. Otherwise, we’re no different than the powers that be who make decisions for the entire country with no regard for the people who have to live with those decisions.

So, whether we’re enrolling our children in the local public school, charter school, specialty school, or letting them leave the crib every day to attend a private school, it’s a decision our child has to be submerged in far more than we ever will be. Yes, our culture and community matter. Yes, our children’s pathway to further education and the workplace matters. But nothing matters more than our children’s mental health, development, and peace of mind. These are the things that aren’t discussed PRIOR to bringing another life into this world, but maybe we should start the minute someone voices that they want children.

Our children don’t become human beings to give a fuck about once their lives are unnecessarily taken (see: Nolan). These children matter from the beginning to their very end, and our decisions as parents should reflect that and keep them included. Otherwise, we’re just bickering over opinions that make no difference in the end.